Cont…Spousal Visa

I am supporting a lady with more or less the same circumstances. Ruby (not her real name) initially came to UK on a student visa to study Business and Management. She has a brother who is married and settled in the UK. After 6 months into her study, Ruby had a proposal for marriage from her extended family. The man was a divorcee with three children. He said that his children are with his ex-wife and he has his own property. Ruby and her brother accepted the proposal.

Just two weeks after the wedding, Ruby was physically and emotionally abused by her husband and her in-laws. When she questioned her husband, he said that I have only married you to look after my children and cook and clean for me. He further said to Ruby that she is never to get pregnant as that could hinder in the care provided for his three children from his first wife. Ruby further said that she also wishes to have her own children, but her husband used contraception to make sure she does not conceive . Ruby was devastated and heartbroken. However Ruby decided to adjust herself to the circumstances and tried very hard to become not a good wife but a good slave. She adhered to all his needs and was looking after his three children.

Surprisingly Ruby fell pregnant, upon hearing this news her husband and her in laws beat her with the attempt that she would miscarry. Ruby became very depressed and stated she wanted to commit suicide. That night, when the family left Ruby ran out of the house onto the street and asked a man in a car for help, she asked him if she can use his phone and phoned her brother. Her brother came rushing and took Ruby to his house, where she tearfully disclosed all the ordeal she went through. Her brother called the Police and Ruby’s husband was arrested.

Two months later, Ruby is still living with her brother and her husband has threatened her that he will deport her from this country and disown her child, making sure she has no help and support. Ruby is fighting for her indefinite leave to remain in UK with the help and support from myself, her Solicitor, Women’s aid and the Police.

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Bathing your newborn baby can be an exciting and scary experience for some parents especially during the first few weeks of life. Most babies are very fragile and quite slippery when wet, which can make baby bath time a wee bit intimidating particularly during the first week or two.
Pregnancy Outreach Workers offer Parent craft sessions, in order to boost parents confidence in how to feed, bath and care for their new born baby, as well as making sure that they take into consideration the safety procedures when bathing their baby.

BREAST IS BEST

Breastmilk overall is a healthier choice and contains natural ingredients, that are not just supplements found in formula. Breastfeeding has also been proven to reduce the risk of babies developing allergies. Breastfeeding can also reduce the number of and severity of conditions such as ear infections, bacterial meningitis and has even been proven to reduce the risk of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) and asthma. (www.womenshealth.gov › AZ Health Topics).

Below is the link to; an interview with a new mom-to-be, on how and why this mom found breastfeeding so important. (the following clip is in Urdu)

Ante-natal support

Attending antenatal appointments is very important in pregnancy.

Antenatal care monitors your health during pregnancy, as well as the health and development of your baby. It can help predict possible problems with your pregnancy or the birth, so action can be taken to avoid or treat them.

However there are situations where  some mothers to-be  find it difficult to attend their antenatal appointments.  For example Mariam (not her real name) was referred to myself due to missing routine  ante-natal appointments on two  or more  occasions.

At my first initial visit, I met Mariam who was staying at her cousins rented accommodation.  Through the visit I established why Mariam was missing her ante-natal appointments. Mariam left work (worked in a factory) to travel abroad to get married, when she returned she did not have a job to go back to and was not receiving any financial help from the welfare department. Due to not been able to speak English Mariam found it difficult to understand what benefits she may be entitled to and how to claim.

When Mariam found that she was pregnant, she  was very happy but at the same time became upset . Mariam found it extremely difficult to travel to her hospital appointments for antenatal check ups, as she did not have any money to travel back and forth for her appointments. Not only did Mariam had to attend  her normal routine antenatal check ups,  she also had to attend various  Diabetic health checks as  Mariam was diabetic. Mariam pregnancy  was a high priority  as she was on insulin as well as tablets to control her diabetes .

Mariam was very emotional and stated that she was upset due to not been able to attend some of her antenatal appointments as well as her Diabetic health appointments.

I reassured Mariam, that I will help and support her with her antenatal appointments. I was able to take Mariam in my car to her appointments, stay with her to interpret  and drop her back home after her appointment.

With my help and support Mariam was attending all her antenatal appointments and as a result the health professionals were able to monitor  the health and development of her baby. Attached is a clip of accompanying Mariam to attend her ante-natal appt.

Being a Dad is not as difficult

Being a parent for the first time can be daunting….

Mohammed and his partner Leah are both under 19 years old and have just become proud first time parents to a baby girl.

Mohammed is a full time student studying sports, Mohammed said ” I was scared when I found out that I was going to be a dad, as I did not know what was expected of me to become a good dad”.

Pregnancy Outreach Worker Dee helped and supported Mohammed in making him understand what is entailed in becoming a father. Dee enrolled Mohammed onto Parent craft classes in order to help him understand how to bath and change a baby, how to hold a baby, the benefits of breastfeeding and much more.

Dee helped and supported Mohammed and his partner in various ways, such as; by practically taking them to their appointments in his car, enrolling Mohammed  onto Parent craft classes in order to help him to educate himself in raising his baby to the best of his ability. Dee helped Mohammed in finding a job by referring him to the Concorde centre which is a youth organisation, to help people with voluntary work.

Mohammed is a lot more confident in looking after his baby and is very proud to be a dad, Parent craft classes have increased his confidence and ability to become a dad. Mohammed said he can know tell his friends that being a dad is not so difficult.

Poverty/Financial deprivation

Ellie (not her real name)

Poverty refers to many forms of deprivation such as income, housing, isolation and so on. This case study is about a young lady affected by financial deprivation.

Ellie, a mother to-be was referred to the Pregnancy Outreach Worker service for help and support with her financial inequalities. Ellie was affected by many social implications such as drug misuse, mental health issues, unable to attend her antenatal care appointments and so on……..

Ellie confronted many challenges in life regarding these issues, the most important issue was that Ellie had to attend 5 health and medical related appointments every week. She had to see many different consultants and therapists regarding her drug misuse and mental health issue as a result this impacted on her financial situation. Ellie was unable to afford to travel to her mendiacl appointments.

And this is where the help and support of the Pregnancy Outreach Workers came in….

Ellies Pregnancy Outreach Worker helped Ellie in the most crucial time in her life. The POW practically supported Ellie to her Medical appointments in her car. If it wasnt for the POW Ellie would have found it very difficult to attend these appointments. Ellie was unable to travel back and forth to her appointments  by bus or taxi, as she could not afford the cost of a bus or taxi fare.

 If Ellie did not attend her medical appointments, consequently this would have impacted on her health, however with the help and support of her POW, Ellie was able to attend her medical appointments  and as a result this helped to reduce the issue on  her finances.

Blog 2 Forced Marriage cont…..

Rahila rebelled against her parents’ wishes and refused to marry someone she did not know? As a result Rahila was beaten by her father and her uncle’s due to her defiant behaviour.
Rahila’s father told her that her marriage was going to take place next week and in the mean time she was locked in a room.

Rahila was scared to ask any question, every time she did; she was beaten for expressing her views. Rahila felt helpless, she realised that she was going to be forced into a marriage to someone she had never met.

Rahila decided to do something….

Rahila asked her father is if it was ok to go with her mother to choose her wedding dress, as she wanted the perfect dress, her father was very happy to hear this and agreed to let her go with their mother to choose her wedding dress.

Whilst out shopping Rahila told her mother that she wanted to use the toilet, she grabbed the opportunity to make a call to her friend in UK. Rahila asked her friend for her help.

Rahila’s friend immediately informed her that there was a Forced Marriage Unit set up in Pakistan and she needs to get there. Rahila explained that it may be difficult to get out again, Rahila’s friend said that she will do everything she can to help her, Rahila informed her friend that she only has one week. Her friend said that she will try everything.

Rahila returned home, the following day was the beginning of the wedding function. Rahila cried every day but there was no-one to listen to her.

Four days left to the wedding, Rahila became anxious, she thought her friend did not manage to get help and decided to do something………………….

What did she do find out in the next blog…………..

Forced Marriages

Marriage what is it? Depends on the person’s perspective!

For Rahila (not her real name) a marriage is a ‘compromise’ with life.

At the age of 16, Rahila finished her secondary school and was all excited to move forward in life. Rahila decided to study further; she wanted to become a Social Worker. However after school had finished, Rahila  was told by her parents that they must fly back home to Pakistan with them, on the pretence to see Rahila’s dying Grandmother, whose last wish was to see her Granddaughter Rahila.

Rahila did not understand what to do; on one hand she was looking forward to starting college and pursuing her dream to become a Social worker. On the other hand she did not want to upset her parents or her grandmother by refusing to emotionally and practically support her family.

Then what did Rahila do?………….

Rahila travelled to Pakistan with her family, to see her grandmother. Upon arrival what did Rahila witness, her grandmother was fine…. her parents said that she was feeling better, at that point Rahila became suspicious, something was not right, but what?

A week later Rahila’s parents approached her and said that she was getting married to her uncles son in Pakistan. Rahila was shocked, she was lost for words, as Rahila says it ‘she felt as the world was pulled out from underneath her feet’.

What did Rahila do?……… Find out in the next blog- 2

 

 

Of all our social institutions, the family is perhaps the one with which we are most familiar. As we proceed through our lives, our experiences within the family give rise to some of our strongest and most intense feelings. Within the family context lies a paradox, however: although most of us hope for love and support within the family — a haven in a heartless world, so to speak — the family can also be a place of violence and abuse. MARILYN POOLE, Family: Changing Families, Changing Times

Farah (not her real name) was physically and emotionally abused by her partner for many years. As Farah was from a Pakistani heritage she was made to believe that this is the norm of every Asian family. Farah grew up witnessing the same tribulations in her mothers life. Her father used to beat her mother for minor reasons such as; there is mess on the floor which is not cleaned. After questioning her mother Farah’s mother said this is the fate of all women and this is what all men do. Farah grew up witnessing this violence between two people who taught her about life …………….and this is what she was taught, a womans place is in the kitchen, and if she makes a mistake she needs to be punished. Now Farah is living through the same horror, not realisng this is unacceptable and inhumane. She has a belief ingraved in her from her family that it is normal to live inthis kind of a relationship……  

How to help vulnerable women ?

The green pages on a pregnant woman’s notes? You probably won’t have paid much attention to them but they contain every detail of the woman’s health and medical history. They tell health professionals how the woman is, how she was, her complaints and her problems. Seem pretty serious? They really, really are!

Imagine then, coming over from another country and not having a clue about what they say or what the doctors think is wrong with you. This happens, it happens more than you think and it’s something that can be very scary with people deciding what is best for you on what is written on these bits of paper.

I have just been dealing with a heavily pregnant woman, Shabana (not her real name) who is a Pakistani lady and arrived in Britain with her partner, unable to speak English and terrified of having another miscarriage after already going through the trauma of it 3 times before.

The green notes, told the doctors about her miscarriages, they told them how much of a priority she should be, they say how vulnerable and at risk that this lady is and yet she was unable to speak up on her own behalf to tell them that she was scared of it happening again.

Shabana was left with no interpreter, and therefore no way of communicating with the doctors, nurses or indeed anyone else Shabana was thrust into this position not long ago. She was scared, she was vulnerable, she couldn’t tell the people who were helping her how she felt and guess what? She miscarried, again.

Why was she not represented when the doctor spoke to the consultant? Why was she not asked if she was scared? Why wasn’t she given the procedure that the evidence on the green notes pointed too?

Too many whys.

Something has to be done…